Toddsy.com

My wife Deb recently placed a restriction on my verbal capabilities. It seems that she is of the persuasion that cussing makes me seem uneducated and is a real "put off" in relationships. I told her to go f#@* herself and that I didn't give a mother f$%^in sh^t about what other f$%#@in people thought about me. So, go f&^* yourself.

She responded by putting this list of 10 phrases on the refrigerator. Each time I use one of these in her presence she grounds me and takes away my allowance for the week.

It f%^^&^in sucks a#s.

Vocabulary of Sinners Top 10

Damn
Bastard
Sh!t
F#$*
As#ho*)
C*&t
Bit@#
Dic%he&^
Mother Fu$%&r
Wow, look at that chicks p&&%& and $#%$$#. I really wanna f$%% her brains out. Twice.

Things Banned in Toddsy's Home
by the incomparable Todd "hooked on haiku" Evans

As soon as my wife and I said I do.
She started making lists of things I can't do.
These are some things that have been banned,
and if caught doing them, I get a kick in the can.
I can not say curse words, not even damn.
I can no longer be a Pamela Anderson fan.
"There's Something About Mary" can no longer be funny.
I can't tie the cats legs together and make it hop like a bunny.
I can no longer fart into a candle's flame.
I can't even play that great doctor game.
No more eating the raw cookie dough.
I can no longer pick my nose with my toe!
My Cowboys and Lakers jerseys, I can no loner wear.
Even the word "bastard" is considered a swear.
I can only watch wrestling when she's asleep.
I can't own binoculars, so now I can't peep.
I have to pay for things when I leave the store.
I have to pretend that Oprah is not a bore.
I can no longer give people the bird.
Even "turd" is a banned word.
The Prince song "Sexy MF", I can no longer play.
I can not say "fudgepacker" when to referring to a gay.
These are some things listed on our refrigerator.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I bought her a vibrator!!

May u live 2 see the dawn,
(I won't when my wife sees this.)

Toddsy